Lord knows I think of you.

Maybe we act on confused behavior
Maybe waves crash like semi trailer
Maybe I'll spend my off time without you
It seems like we need our own space

And all the time I wasted away
I don't feel good unless you stay
And all the times I chased you away
Simply to catch back up with

Your solitude is welcome, welcome
Your attitude is welcome, welcome

All you see is red lights behind me
Maybe this isn't what you wanted, baby
I don't blame you falling backwards
No one's ever quite confused you this way

And all this time we wasted away
We don't feel good unless we're gray
And all the times I chased you away
I simply don't feel good

Your solitude is welcome, welcome
Your attitude is welcome, welcome

All this time we heard alarms
Come to find we fell apart
This whole thing has crashed down
All this time we heard alarms

Your solitude is welcome, welcome
Your attitude is welcome, welcome

You are welcome

--"Attitude" --Alien Ant Farm

It's so weird that some people never leave your mind. No matter how long it's been or how many things have happened. No matter how many other people have entered your life. No matter how much you both change. No matter what other feelings you might have. That one person is always in the back of your mind, creeping up at the worst possible moments, like when you're intoxicated.

And it's so weird that some people are so afraid that they can't tell you how they feel, so you have no idea because you're not a fucking mind reader. And then when shit goes down, it feels like it's too late, but maybe it's not. Should we talk about it? Or will it be too awkward?

I know that he hates "sharing" me, whatever that means. And I know that if we switched positions, and he was the one being "shared," I would fucking hate it. I would be so completely, utterly jealous. Kind of like torture, I guess.

I'm glad that I have a few friends that I can't seem to drive away. No matter what I do or how much I fuck up, they are always there for me. I can always depend on them. I wish there were more friends like that.