I met a boy . . .

I've realized that I can't expect everything to work out the way that I want it to. People will constantly let me down, but there will always be someone else there to help me up. Someone may push me over the edge, but I know someone else will be at the bottom to catch me and help me get back on top. Luckily, I know who those people are. I'm learning to spot those who will bring me down. I'm picking up on the signs. I'm noticing the qualities that I don't want in friends. And then there are those who bring me up. Those people who tell me how it really is. Those people who are always there when I need them. Those people who make me laugh and don't judge me. Those are the people that I am keeping around forever.

I met a boy. Uh oh.

It's really late . . . or early.

I honestly feel so much better. Like I can go out and have fun with my friends without coming home and fighting. I like the fact that I don't fight with him anymore, because he's not here. That's all we seemed to do lately. And now, I don't have that constant stress.

When someone hurts my friends, in any way, shape, or form, it pisses me off. I literally want to fuck this girl up right now. He does not deserve to be treated this way. Not when he has treated her like a fucking queen. He has been spending all his extra time and all the money that he really should not be spending, on her. And for what? For her to go and do something stupid and hurt him like this? Yeah, he says that he knows it wouldn't work since she is moving next month, but he still has all these feelings for her. And you don't realize how much you feel for someone until they hurt you. And that's what happened. I feel for him so much because I've been in is position and I know how bad it hurts. And I really want to tell this girl to go fuck off because she does not deserve him. Not at all.

And then there's me. Yeah, I got hurt. And as soon as I did, as soon as I realized how much I got hurt, I fell out of love. Which I guess is good so that I wouldn't get hurt more. And I really don't think he cares. And if he does, he just doesn't show it. And I don't know why I care. I shouldn't. And maybe I don't very much, but I still wonder. I'll probably always wonder.

Just to clarify.

Just to clarify about my last post : I was no knocking on anyone's parents. I just have my opinion on how I see things.

Growing up, my parents taught me how to rely on myself and make sure that I can take care of myself. They put the idea in my head that if I get in trouble, I need to fix it with as little help from anyone else as possible. They have always been there for me when I need them. They are two of the best people I know. They love me unconditionally, and I know they will do anything for me. They have helped me out so much in the last year. But they have also taught me to be 100% independent and I'm so grateful for that. I always know that if I ever need to go home, I'm always welcome. But I also know that if for some reason I did go live back there, I would not be allowed to lay around all day. I would have to get a job and help pay for things. They will always help me out as long as I am also providing for myself. They will help me stay on my feet and they know how much I hate asking for their help. They also know that I will always pay them back everything. I'm very independent and I give them all the credit for making me the person I am today.

What I said about someone else's parents being to blame may have been a little out of line. But that's just how I see it. When parents give their child everything and never show them what being able to provide for oneself is like, then the child will rely on them forever. Relying on one's parents is not necessarily a bad thing, but in my opinion, relying on one's parents for every little thing will not help said person grow up.

So just in case that comment in my previous post was taken incorrectly, I do apologize. But I am entitled to my own opinion and there it is.

I can breath again.

Just for the record, the last two weekends have been two of the most fun weekends since I moved here. For the fourth of July, we went up to Cascade to go camping and it was an amazing time. Then I just got home from going up past Lucky Peak to go camping and had an even more amazing time.

So why is it that I am always made out to be the bad guy? It's like in his eyes, I can't do anything right. He told me that I have no idea how relationships work. And of course he's always right, right? None of this was actually my fault. I truly believe that I have done nothing wrong. And I have never had a problem with taking the blame if something is my fault.

For my age, I am extremely mature. Of course, I have my moments when I act my age. But for the most part, I am very grown up. As an only child, and a very un-spoiled only child, I grew up quickly and learned how to take care of myself. However, he is very immature. And he is even a few years old than I am. And I know that males mature slower or whatever. But I know guys his age and younger that are fifty times more mature than he is. He just has not had to grow up yet. He's always been able to rely completely on his parents, and I blame his parents a lot for him not growing up.

When you try to live with an immature person who only has eyes for alcohol, there is bound to be problems. I love to party and drink, don't get me wrong. But I realized a long time ago that there's more to life than getting drunk. I've also realized that I can't let anyone treat me like shit. I can't allow him to say derogatory things to me. I can't allow him to put me down.

I've come to realize that I am a strong person. I am unique and special. And I don't mean eat-the-paste special. I am an important person and I deserve to be treated with respect from everyone. I don't deserve to have someone be an asshole to me one day, and be nice to me the next. That's not what I signed up for.

I'm just glad I realized all of this before it went on for a really long time. And in some eyes, it still went on for too long. But it's done with. It's over and I feel a sense of relief. Honestly, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can breath again.