Option vs. Priority

I would like to be a priority.
I don't want to be just an option to someone. Just another girl on the list. Just another girl vying for attention. Just another girl who texts you in the morning to say hi. Just another girl you talk to. I'm just another someone. No one in particular. No on special. I'm just an option.
Why? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not smart enough? Am I not trendy enough? Am I boring? Am I silly? Am I obnoxious? Am I everything you don't want?
My hair is too short. My face is too chubby. My fingers are too long. My boobs are too small. My hips are too big. My feet are too goofy. My laugh is too ridiculous. My voice is too high. My life is too stable.
It doesn't make sense, does it? Such a silly contradiction.
Hi, I'm Jessica. I have a stable job. I have a stable home. I have stable friends. I have a stable income. I have a stable life. I have a good life. I have an amazing life. I have a lot of love and laughter to share. Should I share it with you? Not if I'm just an option.
You're too short. You're hair is too dark. You're eyes are too green. You're cloths are too trendy. You're voice is too goofy. You're laugh is too magnificent. You're a priority. I'm an option. I don't think that's how it should work. Not today. Not ever.
She's beautiful and she is in love with you. Is she just an option as well?

A letter

Dear ______,
I've come to a decision. I'm disconnecting myself from you. I like you a lot. It does not matter if you say that you like me a lot, there is a huge difference and I'm about to explain it to you.
I have my life. My life consists of 60% work. My life consists of 39.99% family and friends. Work takes up the majority because that's how I live. It's how I eat and have a roof over my head. It's how I am able to see my friends and family. It's my money, my life. That last .01% of my life is finding someone. Someone to love and love me back, unconditionally. It's a very small part of my life. It used to be a huge part. Finding that someone used to be a priority. Until I realized that there are better things in life. A good job and good friends and family are much better. In the long run, I will be happier having a job that I love and having my friends and family close by than having just one person.
You have your life. Your life consists of your friends and family. Which I appreciate. You are looking for a job. And I don't discredit you for not having a job. Not at all. But you use it as an excuse. "I don't have my life together." How so? You have plenty of people that love you. You have plenty of things going for you. How do you not have your life together? Please do not use that as an excuse.
I am disconnecting myself. I am using my self control to stop. I refuse to be just another girl that wants you. I am done chasing. I want to be the one that gets chased, through thick and thin. The end.
Love,
Jessica

It's about time

Fear hinders us. By being afraid, we lose out on a lot. You cannot be afraid to experience life. I heard a saying the other day : don't be afraid of death. Be afraid of never living. I am not afraid to die. Death is just another adventure(I think Peter Pan said something like that). However, I am afraid of not living a good life. Of not living an exciting life. Of not experiencing everything that I can.
You're afraid of being hurt. You're afraid to trust someone, to let someone into your life, your heart, your mind. You're afraid to experience something new. You're afraid because of the past. Because someone hurt you, broke you down. Isn't it possible that this has happened to nearly every single person on this planet? Would you rather live your life in fear and never experience something amazing, or live your life as an adventure and cross the widest rivers and climb the highest mountains?
It's a joy when you put a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye.
I can't wait forever. I can't wait a year. I can't wait a month. I can't wait a week. Can I even wait another day? So tell me something real before I turn the corner without looking back.