And I'll see that you're right for me.

I know how I feel about him, so why can't I just be with him? I don't have any interest in anyone else and I don't see myself meeting anyone that I would want to be with besides him right now. So why can't I just be in a relationship with him? I've been thinking about it and I think it's because I'm scared. Last time I decided to commit to one guy, he turned around and blew me off, after months of saying how much he wanted to be with me. And the second I agreed to it, he changed his mind. So I guess I'm scared of that happening again because I don't think I could take it. Then he tells me that he's not like any other guy, but what the hell does that mean? I can't even count how many times I've heard a guy say that. And of course, he couldn't explain it.

One of my roommates is getting married in May. She was talking to her sister the other day about sex and it just made me laugh. She's grown up believing in sex after marriage and she was saying something about how it's getting harder for them to resist since it's getting so close to their wedding. It really made me laugh. And so tonight, they are here and we're all just talking and he has this button-up shirt. She decided to show me how it's really easy to get undone and I just laughed and said, "Well that'll come in handy here pretty soon." And then we just went off on some dirty jokes. They made my night.

It's been a while.

It's funny how life changes and stays the same.
It's funny how people you once knew become strangers.
It's funny how people you wish could be your friend, cant.
It's funny how I want everything all at once.

I've found something that I can depend on. My life right now is very stable. And I like it that way. But at the same time, I want it to change. I can't decide what I want in my life, or who. I'm almost getting sick of this place and I've been here, what, five months? Shit, that's ridiculous. But I almost feel like I need to start over again. But I don't think I can leave the people that I have here. That's why I don't understand my friend _____. He's been here about four months and he has people that care about him, even though he might not think so. Yet he wants to move back to California because he kind of fucked up his money situation. He thinks that his life will be better down there. Then why did he leave in the first place? I don't understand that.

I'm loving my new job. I work with adults who have disabilities in their homes. I'm a float, so I work four hours and one home and then four hours at another home. I love the people that I'm working with and so far, it seems worth my time because I feel like I'm actually making a difference in their lives. I've never done work like this before. I've waitressed, I've cooked, I've worked in retail and sales, but never anything like this, nothing this hands-on. It's completely different and definitely more challenging. But also more rewarding. Even if the money isn't.