Hate to love.

I look forward to the day when I never think about him. The day when I can honestly say I don't miss him. The day when I can say that I don't want him anymore. The day will come when I won't dream about a future with him. It's about time for that day. I'm waiting impatiently for that day. I wish that day had already come and gone. I'm ready to move on. I try to keep moving and leave him behind but he always seems to catch up with me. It doesn't seem to matter that I can go out and do whatever I want. It doesn't seem to matter who comes into my life. He's always there and he won't leave. I don't even understand what it is about him that I'm so attached to. Maybe it's just the memory of how I felt when I was around him and when I talked to him. I just want to hold onto that memory and let go of him at the same time. Is that possible? It's not negative anymore. It's all positive. It's all wanting something that I can't have. It's wanting something that I wish I didn't want to want. I can't imagine seeing him again because then it would start all over. But I know I will. Deep down, I know that someday I will see him and everything will change. Or maybe it will stay the same. He's so far away and yet he's right beside me. He's the one I hate to love.

Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's Day. Also known as Single Awareness Day. Whatever. If you're single, you're obviously aware of it every other day of the year. Valentine's Day is just a day, created by the Hallmark people [and others], to celebrate love. Love of the one you're with, or the love of your family, or even the love of your friends. So go out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, your family, or your friends and have a good time. Stop worrying about whether you have a significant other to spend extra money on. And stop bitching about how you're single and have no one to spend the day with. It's annoying. So what if you're single? Embrace that and go to a singles' party. Or just go out with your friends and drink or do what you do. Stop pretending like it's the end of the world just because you don't have a significant other.

Debate.

The reason that I didn't play college softball is because I didn't love it enough to make it my life for four years. I love the game. It's amazing. It's so fun. But I guess I just didn't feel like I had the motivation to play it through college. Don't get me wrong, I was good enough during my junior year. As soon as I decided that I was not going to continue after high school, I kind of slacked off and my senior year wasn't as good. Then tonight I went and hit and worked out a bit. And I realize how much I've missed it. But I'm still not sure if I want to commit. Yes, it's only three nights a week and I believe they only play on weekends. But still. What if halfway through I decide I don't want to do it anymore? What then? I sure as hell wouldn't quit on the team but I would have no motivation and I would slack off. I just don't want that to happen. And especially right now, with my car, job, and money situation, I'm not sure if it's the right time to start something new.

Win or lose?

Life is a challenge. A series of events. A game. You're given the choice of win or lose. Which will you take? Do you want to overcome all obstacles and take on as much as you can and be all you can be? Or do you want to give up and pretend that there's no other way? Please choose to win. Choose to pick yourself up and do what you can to make yourself and your life better. When something bad happens, you have the choice to either let it bring you down or get over it and make something good happen. There is always some light in a bad situation. You just have to have the will to keep moving and find it. You cannot pity yourself. You cannot let others pity you. When life looks bleak and it seems that everything is lost, you have to pull yourself up and by putting one foot in front of the other, you will move on and prosper and continue your life. One day you will realize how beautiful life really is.

August Rush

We just went and saw August Rush. It was a very cute movie, maybe a little too cheesy at the very end, but overall very cute. I'm a total music geek, so I loved the music. The guitar playing was amazing and even though I don't normally like orchestras, I really liked the playing in this movie. I also liked the message that music communicates to all living things, even to the stars. It's such a beautiful thought. That someone can feel the music inside of them and be able to find themselves through it. I've always wanted to be able to play the guitar or the drums or some musical instrument and be able to make beautiful music that people love to listen to. Just to have that connection. To make someone have a feeling just by listening to your music. It's an amazing thing.