School's not out for summer

I finished my first week of school yesterday. The first week is always the best, especially if you've been away for a while. I haven't been in school for a couple of years and being back in a classroom, listening to someone talk and teach, is pretty cool. At least for this first class. Professional Development doesn't seem like a "real" class because it's not a specific subject. Basically, in the Pro D class, we learn how to become a "Master Student." It's relatively easy, only one major project and one paper. My next class is Fundamentals of Mathematics. Now that class is likely to kick my butt! I wasn't a math student back in high school and I haven't done any serious math, besides normal addition and subtraction, in years. It's not wonder that I failed the math portion of the compass exam! It doesn't bother me that I failed(one of the things that we are learned in the Pro D class is that it's ok to fail and it's somethings good . . . I already knew that one!) because I was actually expecting to fail the math portion. Not because I don't believe in myself(because I do!) but because I haven't done math in so long and I was never very good at it in the first place. Once I finish my math class at the end of January, I have no idea what I'll be taking. My online course schedule only shows my first two classes. Lame!

Like I said, I've only been back in school for a week. Three days for four hours each. Once class a month. I remember at BSU taking four or five classes together over a three or four month period. I believe wholeheartedly that this one class a month system will work much better for me. I am already so busy with work and family life that only having to focus on one subject at a time should be much better than several at a time. Of course, the only downside is that because the class only lasts for four weeks, the material will be coming at me at lightning speed! I have to focus on keeping up and hopefully keeping ahead.

I am finally back doing something for my future and I'm positive that it will work and that I will do well. Keeping a positive attitude . . . yeah, I think I'll be just fine.

Jurassic Park

I have very few memories of being a child. I've heard stories of different things happening when I was young, but I don't remember much. One memory that I do have that is very vivid is watching Jurassic Park.

Jurassic Park came out in 1993. I was about five years old. I don't remember what age I was when I saw it but I'm sure it was very soon after it came out. My dad was always letting me watch "adult" movies. I don't mean the dirty kind! I mean, PG13 and R. I remember being scared out of my wits when I first watched The Ghost and the Darkness. I remember having nightmares about the two lions.

Jurassic Park was one of those movies where I understood the action scenes, but not much else. The action scenes were easy to understand. Dinosaurs chasing and eating people . . . what's not to understand?! But all of the other stuff, the grownups talking about DNA and making dinosaurs, I didn't understand a word of it! But I had learned not to ask questions during a movie so after several hundred viewings over several years, long after I had the entire dialogue memorized, I finally started to understand what was going on.

Because I don't have very many childhood memories, it's hard for me to imagine what it's like to be a kid. I have a hard time seeing the world through a child's eyes. So watching Jurassic Park with four kids was interesting. The entire time I wondered, do they understand all of the dialogue or is it all gibberish? All kids like dinosaur movies, even the scary ones. But it will probably be a few years before they say, so that's what all the fuss was about!

Colder weather . . . booooo!

Wow it's getting cold. I hate the cold. I hate it so much that if it were a living thing, I would . . . do something really mean to it! The cold is a terrible thing. You have to start your car a good ten minutes before you want to leave so it can defrost and this of course wastes gas which, as you know, isn't cheap! Then you have to bundle up in layers so you don't freeze your butt off. But no matter how many shirts and coats and socks you put on, you will still be cold. You can wear gloves and a hat, but you will still be cold. Then once the snow comes, it gets even colder! Then you have to deal with those crazy people who actually like the cold and the snow because chances are, they will throw as many snow balls as they can at you which will make you even more cold than you already were because now you have snow going down your shirt! If you let those crazy people get near you, they will probably white wash you. Which of course means even colder! Don't go near the crazies!

I suppose there's a few good things about the weather getting cold. The trees, for instance. I get that green is a pretty color and all, but when the leaves start turning red and orange and yellow, that's beautiful! When it gets cold, a lot of the bugs disappear. Now I really like that one! Plus, winter clothes are awesome! I'm a girl so of course I like clothes and cold weather brings out boots and long johns and long sleeve shirts and scarves and cute gloves and beanies and fuzzy socks and the list could go on forever!

I still hate the cold.

Better than ever =]

Wow I'm blogging again! It's been almost two years. I basically forgot about it. I get on these kicks where I'll do something for a few months, then I'll stop. I did it with scrapbooking. I've done it continually with reading. I'll read three or four books then I won't read for a couple of months. Then I'll read some more. I do it with TV. I'll get really into a show and watch it as much as possible for about a month. Then I won't watch it again for a few months. And I did it with blogging.

Anyways, here I am again. I've done a lot in the last year and a half. I've loved and lost. I've fought and cried. I've laughed and been really confused. I've lost some people that I thought were friends and gained some even better ones. I've grown up and found the love of my life. I've changed my life course almost completely.

It's very simple. We met. We became friends. We fell in love. It really is that easy. When someone tries to drop a brick right in the middle of your love, it makes it stronger. When someone scoffs and shrugs, it makes it stronger. This is about two people who merged lives and are now living one that is better. It's very simple. I never imagined that love could be this simple. It always seemed to be pretty complicated. And I suppose that's because it wasn't right. But once it's right, it's so incredibly simple.

A year and a half ago, my life was work and partying. Now, it's work and life. I still party. But my priorities have changed. I've grown up. Work is definitely at the top because that's how I survive. Then I think love is probably next. The love of a man, four kids, and a cat. The love of friends and family. Then of course partying and going out. Even though I don't party like I used to because I can have just as good of a time relaxing. Probably a better time actually. I don't feel that need to get out and get drunk and run around like a crazy person that I felt a year and a half ago. The feeling actually disappeared about a year ago. And since then, it's just gotten better.

Well I think this is as good as it gets.

2010

It's a new year. So much has happened already.
I'm sad. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I have butterflies. I have a new mentality. I have new hopes. I really think this is going to be a good year. You know that feeling when something just seems right? That's what I'm having. I have a very optomistic outlook at the moment.
Remember the days when all you cared about was when recess was? What was for lunch? If the boy in front of you in class liked you? Then it was who was talking about you, what should you wear to school, how you could get out of an assignment. Then it was trying to pass classes and should I go to college or not. Now, it's trying to make it on your own. Working for a living. Trying to figure out your life. Trying to make your dreams come true.
What if you had your whole life planned out? All the steps to reach your goals planned and ready to be executed. You plan on doing anything it takes. And then, surprise, something happens and you whole plan changes. Everything is put on hold. You have to rethink your whole life. I'm sad about this situation.

Yucky lemons

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Ok kids, I think it's more like, "when life gives you lemons, get a bottle of tequila and drink up." Something like that anyways.
I think I'm going to start counting my lemons. Sometimes I feel like I get a lot. And at other times, I feel like I hardly get any. And when I do get them, I have the worst luck because there are no bottles of tequila to be found. And then if I try to throw the lemons away, they stink and rot and mold and it's just bad karma. You have to do something with those damn lemons.
I was in an exceptionally frosty mood today. Thank you, dear roommate. House hunting soon will be a big relief.
I don't usually get scared when I get close to someone. I'm usually the one who says, "chill out." But apparently, I am the one needing to chill in this situation. A change of heart, to say the least.
To pursue, or to be pursued? That is the question of the week.

Don't run away

It's funny how when you think everything is going wrong, it's really going right. It's twisted. You can be crying and depressed one day, and the next, everything seems perfect. Everything that can go right, does. And nothing is wrong, no one is sad. It's very unstable. But it's life.
So many things run through my head when I'm alone. As soon as I log onto the computer and try to type it, it's gone. It disappears. What was I thinking just ten short minutes ago? How did I put that certain thought into words that made a little bit of sense?
Sometimes I feel like I'm running away. But I'm never sure what I'm running from. Then again, I don't know what I'm running towards either. Would moving out of Idaho be considered running away or running towards something? Running away from the life that I have now. Running towards a brand new future. I think we are always running. We are always running away from the past. And we are always running towards the future. But sometimes, while running towards the future, we let the past trip us up. And suddenly, we're lying on the ground, unable to get up and continue forward. The past can strangle us, if we let it. It can strangle our future. So don't let it. Run faster and harder away from the past. Yes, it's true that the past made us who we are. But that doesn't mean we have to let it stop us from a better future. Just stop making excuses about how someone hurt you in the past. Stop making excuses about how someone screwed you over. You can do anything you want. You can have whatever future you choose. If you choose the past of least resistance, you let the past capture you and you are forever stuck. But if you choose to run harder and faster, jump any obstacles that appear, you will have a bright future. You will have anything you want. But it also takes patience. It's true that patience is a virtue. It's also true that it's not something that comes naturally. You have to work at it. You have to calm down and take a deep breath. Just relax and look outside of the box and see the world around you. See that it's beautiful in every single way. See that everyone around you is trying to do the same thing, trying to run towards a better future. Maybe you will collide. Maybe you will fall. Maybe someone will help you up. Maybe you will resist and they will give up. Maybe someone else will come along who won't give up. Have patience. Be strong. Stop living in the past. Stop making excuses. The world is a playground and life is pushing my swing.