For the last nine months, I've been living with a girl who has shown me that there are some really selfish people in the world. I mean, of course I knew that there is. But I had never met anyone who is this selfish. She really does not think about other peoples' feelings. And I'm learning that she isn't going to change. She just recently went behind my back, disrespecting not only me, but one of our other roommates and one of my boyfriend's friends whom she doesn't even know. And she doesn't even realize what she's doing.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Oops.
You know how you see all the people getting busted on TV and think, "Well that'll never happen to me"? That's how I always was. I never thought that I would have to deal with going to court for anything or have to pay any fines for being a dumbass. But last night proved me 100% wrong. And I don't know why I'm freaking out about it so much. More than half the people I know have gotten the same damn thing. I guess I just had this mindset that it would never happen to me. It's not even that big of a deal. It's the tiniest little thing. That's what everyone keeps telling me. But it's not tiny to me. It's huge to me.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Letter I might never send
This is one of those letters that you write, intending to send, but once you hesitate, you never send. So instead of putting off sending it, I'm just going to post it here and then maybe I'll gather the courage to send it.
Dear ______,
I'm not very good at expressing how I feel out loud. So sometimes I have to write it all down. Even when my words don't make sense to anyone else, it's the only way for me to get it all out.
There are so many things I want to tell you, but I just don't know how. And of course I'm a bit nervous because I have no idea how you'll react. But I think I should tell you so that you know how I feel. So where do I start?
I guess I'll start with when we first met. I've told you before that I thought you were an ass at first and how you're not really my type. But as I got to know you, I realized that you're on of the sweetest people I've ever met. I also realized that my type is you. I don't know if that makes sense. You know how as you get to know someone, they grow on you? That's what you've done. Every time we hung out, I started to like you more.
I'm attracted to you in every wary possible. Obviously physically. I could never be with someone I wasn't physically attracted to. I guess I'm just shallow like that. But it's more than physical. I'm so addicted to how you make me feel. The way you look at me, the way you make me smile, the way I feel when you hold me . . . it's just everything you do. I can't get enough of you. I love being with you and no matter what we're doing, I'm just happy because it's with you. I don't agree when people say we spend too much time together. I just don't think that's possible. Who are they to say how much time we should spend together? I look forward to spending even more time with you.
Ok, so my next thought. I've been in love before. But it's always taken me a while to realize it. And there was always something wrong in the relationship that made it difficult to stay together. However, it's been completely different with you. I fell for you incredibly fast. And it scared me at first. But I'm not afraid anymore because I realize that it must mean something is different which must be a good sign. And I've stopped waiting for something to go wrong because being with you just feels right, like nothing can go wrong. It feels like we fit together and that's one of the best feelings ever. You still give me butterflies. And I bet you always will.
I've always been a flirt. It's always been hard for me to keep all of my attention on just one guy. Until you came along. No matter who comes along, it's like they don't actually exist. You're the only one who has any of my attention and the only one I think about. You're the only one I picture myself doing things with.
I remember you telling me that your first love is cars and how your ex got mad about that. I just want you to know, I don't mind. I just hope that I'm second. Also, I always want to be with you but I realize that we both have our own things. And I want us to be able to do them.
And finally, I just want you to know that I want us to be able to talk about anything and everything. I want us to . . . do everything. I can't imaging wanting to be with anyone else but you. Just don't ever forget the things that I'm telling you because these feelings aren't going away. I love you.
-Jessica
I'm starting to learn that I have to forgive people easier than I do right now. Just because she doesn't "approve" of some of the things I do and so she kind of backstabs me, I have to realize that that's how she's been raised and she's just looking out for her best interests. Yet how can I? She's totally leaving me out in the cold.
Dear ______,
I'm not very good at expressing how I feel out loud. So sometimes I have to write it all down. Even when my words don't make sense to anyone else, it's the only way for me to get it all out.
There are so many things I want to tell you, but I just don't know how. And of course I'm a bit nervous because I have no idea how you'll react. But I think I should tell you so that you know how I feel. So where do I start?
I guess I'll start with when we first met. I've told you before that I thought you were an ass at first and how you're not really my type. But as I got to know you, I realized that you're on of the sweetest people I've ever met. I also realized that my type is you. I don't know if that makes sense. You know how as you get to know someone, they grow on you? That's what you've done. Every time we hung out, I started to like you more.
I'm attracted to you in every wary possible. Obviously physically. I could never be with someone I wasn't physically attracted to. I guess I'm just shallow like that. But it's more than physical. I'm so addicted to how you make me feel. The way you look at me, the way you make me smile, the way I feel when you hold me . . . it's just everything you do. I can't get enough of you. I love being with you and no matter what we're doing, I'm just happy because it's with you. I don't agree when people say we spend too much time together. I just don't think that's possible. Who are they to say how much time we should spend together? I look forward to spending even more time with you.
Ok, so my next thought. I've been in love before. But it's always taken me a while to realize it. And there was always something wrong in the relationship that made it difficult to stay together. However, it's been completely different with you. I fell for you incredibly fast. And it scared me at first. But I'm not afraid anymore because I realize that it must mean something is different which must be a good sign. And I've stopped waiting for something to go wrong because being with you just feels right, like nothing can go wrong. It feels like we fit together and that's one of the best feelings ever. You still give me butterflies. And I bet you always will.
I've always been a flirt. It's always been hard for me to keep all of my attention on just one guy. Until you came along. No matter who comes along, it's like they don't actually exist. You're the only one who has any of my attention and the only one I think about. You're the only one I picture myself doing things with.
I remember you telling me that your first love is cars and how your ex got mad about that. I just want you to know, I don't mind. I just hope that I'm second. Also, I always want to be with you but I realize that we both have our own things. And I want us to be able to do them.
And finally, I just want you to know that I want us to be able to talk about anything and everything. I want us to . . . do everything. I can't imaging wanting to be with anyone else but you. Just don't ever forget the things that I'm telling you because these feelings aren't going away. I love you.
-Jessica
I'm starting to learn that I have to forgive people easier than I do right now. Just because she doesn't "approve" of some of the things I do and so she kind of backstabs me, I have to realize that that's how she's been raised and she's just looking out for her best interests. Yet how can I? She's totally leaving me out in the cold.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
L o v e
How long does it take for someone to fall in love? I've heard that it takes a while. But some people believe that you can know within the first day of being with that someone. I don't believe in love at first sight. I believe in lust at first sight. So when will you know if you really, truly love someone? How can you know? What does it feel like?
It feels like you're jumping off of a cliff and into ice-cold water. When you first jump, it's the scariest thing you've ever experienced. As you're falling through the air, it's the most wonderful feeling anyone can ever feel. And just before you hit the water, you wonder why you jumped. As you fall through the water, you can barely breath and it's so cold you can barely move. As you surface and begin to swim to shore, you want to do it again because it's the most exciting thing. You have no idea whether you'll surface after you hit the water. You have no idea how deep the water really is. You have no idea whether you'll survive. But you do it anyway. Why? Because in the end, it's totally worth it.
It's worth being scared a little. It's worth risking everything you have. It's worth it because loving someone, giving them your whole heart with no inhibitions, is the most beautiful feeling ever. Of course, it's called "falling in love" for a reason. You truly are falling. You've giving yourself to someone, handing them your heart and trusting them not to break it. You have to have complete trust in the one you're loving. You have to trust that they will love you back. And that's one the most difficult things ever.
There's a movie that says when your heart is broken, the whole universe expands and makes it possible for you to love even more next time. I think that's true. I've been broken more than once and all of a sudden, I feel like I've never felt for anyone else. I feel like I'm jumping off a forty-story building into water that is infested with sharks. But I don't care. I want to give myself to him and I want the same from him. I feel like I can be myself around him and he won't judge me. I loving being with him and talking to him and when I'm not, I love just the thought of being with him and talking to him. And I think, "what if he's the one?" That's really scary to me, especially because I'm so young. I always told myself that I wouldn't get really serious and get married until my mid-to late twenties. And I'm not even twenty right now! But I feel like I could spend the rest of my life with him. And I don't want it to stop.
It feels like you're jumping off of a cliff and into ice-cold water. When you first jump, it's the scariest thing you've ever experienced. As you're falling through the air, it's the most wonderful feeling anyone can ever feel. And just before you hit the water, you wonder why you jumped. As you fall through the water, you can barely breath and it's so cold you can barely move. As you surface and begin to swim to shore, you want to do it again because it's the most exciting thing. You have no idea whether you'll surface after you hit the water. You have no idea how deep the water really is. You have no idea whether you'll survive. But you do it anyway. Why? Because in the end, it's totally worth it.
It's worth being scared a little. It's worth risking everything you have. It's worth it because loving someone, giving them your whole heart with no inhibitions, is the most beautiful feeling ever. Of course, it's called "falling in love" for a reason. You truly are falling. You've giving yourself to someone, handing them your heart and trusting them not to break it. You have to have complete trust in the one you're loving. You have to trust that they will love you back. And that's one the most difficult things ever.
There's a movie that says when your heart is broken, the whole universe expands and makes it possible for you to love even more next time. I think that's true. I've been broken more than once and all of a sudden, I feel like I've never felt for anyone else. I feel like I'm jumping off a forty-story building into water that is infested with sharks. But I don't care. I want to give myself to him and I want the same from him. I feel like I can be myself around him and he won't judge me. I loving being with him and talking to him and when I'm not, I love just the thought of being with him and talking to him. And I think, "what if he's the one?" That's really scary to me, especially because I'm so young. I always told myself that I wouldn't get really serious and get married until my mid-to late twenties. And I'm not even twenty right now! But I feel like I could spend the rest of my life with him. And I don't want it to stop.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
