Note the sarcasim.

I'm glad that my computer is being super slow.

I'm glad that I can't go to sleep earlier than midnight anymore. Being a stupid night owl sucks sometimes.

I'm glad that I thought I was on my way to getting over him and then, when I heard his voice, I started shaking. Obviously, I'm not even close to being over him. So when will I be?

I'm glad that my roommates, who happen to be two of my best friends, can make me smile no matter what. When everything is wrong and I don't want to smile, they say something and I can't help but grin.

I'm glad that the guy who I consider to be my brother considers me his sister. It rocks. I'd do anything for him. He rocks my socks.

I'm glad that I can't count on the one person I wish I could. I want to trust her so badly because she used to be one of my best friends. But I can't anymore. It makes me sad.

I'm glad that I'm quitting my job. Finding a job that's closer to my house and that pays more is going to be awesome. Plus I'll get to meet some new people. And I need some new people.

I'm glad that I'm not crying every single night anymore.

I'm glad that people can blame me for "ruining everything," when it was actually them who ruined it. I didn't make you do what you did. I did tell the truth about it, unlike you. It's not my fault that you lied and that it came around and bit you in the ass. So stop being a bitch.

I'm glad that when I apologize, it's way too late for apologies. And of course, there's nothing I can do about it.